|
Warning signs that your child is Masturbating!
1. Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't Masturbate have acne.
2. Is your teenager depressed? If a teenager acts sullen, withdrawn or unhappy the most likely cause is Chronic Masturbation.
3. Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to want privacy. Chances are he or she is in there Masturbating!
4. Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try Masturbation.
5. Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have gotten there!
6. Does your teenager have Liberal political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by Self-Abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies.
7. Does your child wear fashionable clothing or hairstyles? If your child can't resist the peer pressure to look a certain way, he or she probably can't resist the peer pressure to Masturbate, either.
8. Does your child deny Masturbating? Very few teenagers will openly admit to Masturbating!
9. Have you caught your child Masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably Masturbating.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Preventing and Treating Teen Masturbation
If your child Masturbates, there are steps you can take to stop the problem. If your child doesn't Masturbate, there are things you can do to prevent it.
1. Remove your child's bedroom door. Privacy is one of the leading causes of Masturbation.
2. Monitor your family's use of the restroom. Not only will this prevent Masturbation, it will prepare your teens for today's workplace, where corporations are stepping up their surveillance of employees' bathroom usage.
3. Kill your television. There is absolutely nothing of value on television. Everyone should be reading their Bibles or working, not watching filth like Baywatch or Star Trek.
4. Control your child's reading material. Screen everything your child brings into the house. Do not allow anything even remotely stimulating. Get up early in the morning and go through the newspaper cutting out all of the pictures in the Underwear ads. Burn them before your teenager wakes up.
5. Use corporal punishment. Spare the rod and spoil the child! Although outlawed by Socialists in many places, a good, sound thrashing has always been the best cure for the unruly child.
6. Buy and use commercially available Anti-Masturbation devices. You can get one for a male child by clicking here.
7. Put boxing gloves on your children's hands at bedtime. Boxing gloves are pretty hard to take off without someone's help. If you do this you can sleep soundly, knowing that your children aren't touching themselves in an impure way.
8. Understand your child's language. There are dozens of slang terms for Masturbation in use by today's teenagers. You should be familiar with them. Click here for a list. There are many other lists available on the Web. Don't use these slang terms around your children! If you must refer to Masturbation, use the term "Self-Abuse."
CAUTION! READING AND UNDERSTANDING THESE FACTS MAY CAUSE YOU TO VOTE.
In Washington, D.C.: There is a law against having sex in any position other than face-to-face.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: There is a law against having sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.
In Fairbanks, Alaska: There is a law against two moose having sex on the city sidewalks.
In Kingsville, Texas: There is a law against two pigs having sex on airport property.
In Alexandria, Minnesota: There is a law against a man having sex with his wife with the stink of onions, sardines, or garlic on his breath.
In Ames, Iowa: There is a law against drinking more than three slugs of beer while lying in bed with a woman.
In the state of Washington: There is a law against having sex with a virgin.
In Tremonton, Utah: There is a law against having sex in an ambulance.
In Newcastle, Wyoming: There is a law against having sex in a butcher shop's meat freezer.
In Ventura County, California: There is a law against cats and dogs having sex without a permit.
In Nevada: There is a law against having sex without a condom.
In Willowdale, Oregon: There is a law against a husband talking dirty in his wife’s ear during sex.
In Clinton, Oklahoma: There is a law against masturbating while watching two people have sex in a car.
The opinions expressed here are in no way the opinions of anyone on the staff of ©Wetpillow.com Inc. |
